My Battle with Severe Palpitation (Part 1.)
August 2020.
I am not a laid back person. I worry and get stressed over my pursuit of excellence at work, personal development, finances, and the media I consume and frankly, it can be quite negative sometimes.
It’s July 22nd in Lagos, Nigeria at about 3:15 pm I was in a product review meeting on Microsoft Teams presenting to my colleagues and suddenly my world stopped spinning and my heart rhythm was all I could feel and hear.
When Severe palpitations + elevated blood pressure that might be a joint taskforce activated by either stress, anxiety, abdominal discomfort, or all of them as in my case has its grip on you, then you are on a path I have walked.
This was a new shadowy corridor all together as I lost touch with reality and didn’t think I will make it through that moment alive or even recover.
I was at home alone but certainly in a place where I literally had nothing left other than to call on God like I was in a vehicle with brake-failure about to crash.
My faith was wavery, my fears where overwhelming my faith, I had no trust in the medical system, and to make matters worse, I had no one around to help me out to the hospital.
That moment work stopped. I had nothing left to offer of value and certainly nothing stored up in my energy reserve tank.
Any attempt to accomplish the most ordinary task of moving from where I sat on my work station increased my heartbeat rate with extreme exhaustion that rivals a runner finishing a cross-country marathon.
This new work-life imbalance, I believe was ushered in by the new workplace normal amidst the pandemic which includes but not limited to; Insomnia, limited resources, work timelessness, and ever-burgeoning workload which drove those who still had their jobs to the new length and new lows.
When I first noticed I was having a Crisis, I felt myself losing it. It was like I just couldn’t cope anymore with anything. I didn’t know what I was dealing with at the time — all I remember is feeling like I was going die.
I quickly checked my pulse with my Samsung Note Edge pulse meter and it read 148b/min. Accurate or not, my anxiety heightened as I had no BP machine to even know what my blood pressure was at the time. Confused as I was, with pain in the heart, breathlessness, no help nearby, Life ended for me at that moment. There was no hope left for me but for the only words, I could utter, “The Blood of Jesus” repeatedly.
God took a grip on my situation and made my crisis a painful but interesting learning experience.
Transport on Foot.
I live in an estate that is headquarters to some of the biggest Cargo handling companies. From time to time, in my apartment, I hear the fork-lift beeping siren as they load and offload cargo from/on trucks. Immediately I began to think that, if I could get myself there, maybe I’ll find help to the hospital.
With that, I mustered courage and strength because I had renewed hope for help or at least mobility to the hospital if I could get out there. As I tried to dress up, I stood in front of the dressing mirror in my room and I could see my heart pushing through my chest so fast like it was gonna split open.
The dark cloud of anxiety and fear became so overwhelming as it zeroed-in on me, leaving me on the floor with no energy left to make that move I initially planned.
Then my phone rang, I thought it was another work call but as I checked it was an old buddy who was in the neighborhood from a business activity who had earlier promised to check up on me as I had previously complained during one of our conversation of feeling Unwell and experiencing sleep deprivation prior to this crisis. Immediately that call came through, I cried for help. God sent help.
Normally, I deal with my own stress and anxiety all by myself. Hiding in-between a busy work schedule leaving no room for people to know how stressed or troubled I was about situations. Even though I discuss sometimes with just a few colleagues who I knew experienced similar challenges, I hesitated to seek any medical help because of my perception of doctors who don't listen to understand but just want to drug you for whatever symptoms you present or dismiss your complaints just because it is not critical enough to get their attention. So, I go on to ensure I don't give any kind of window into the fact that nothing was as “fine” as my facade indicated.
Just like Danielle Sepulveres, I feared judgment from people, or worse, dismissal in the form of comments like, ” Oh, just get over it already or just pray about it, or even question your faith in God — Don’t you believe in God anymore?.” I Prayed about it actually, but it was a struggle because I didn’t even understand the extent to which the full weight of depression and anxiety could escalate to.
but it was nearly impossible for anyone to know physically from my appearance because I was working from home alone. However, if just one person had noticed that I wasn’t quite feeling like myself, joined me in those prayer sessions, sent that encouraging text, somehow I know I would have felt far less alone at those moments.
No — , Not to downplay the enormous support, I received daily from the scriptures, devotionals, and my Mum and family when we speak, but sometimes I don't want to overburden anyone with my sad stories because we are far away in different cities and I don't know their true state of well being and the fear for the kind of reaction I might get or the worry it could cause them made me suck it all in.
Now I know better that, calling people to check up on them is really beyond asking “How are you?”. Deliberately trying to know how they are balancing work and life is also really important while asking the right probing questions, Just in case, they’re caught in a similar moment like mine, It could make all the difference.
That was my case, God used a timely call to rescue me.
On the arrival of my friend, I requested to be taken to the hospital as I tried to get a bolt or an Uber ride on my phone but none was in range at that time. My neighbors were at work but again, I quickly remembered the cargo company and asked for assistance in that direction.
As I walked tilting towards my left-hand side because of the pain from my heart it got tougher to breathe, but I kept moving regardless. God gave his angels charge over me as He promised in his words and in a few minutes, I was at the cargo company.
I met someone driving off, I’m not sure if he was only trying to repark his car or whatever the situation but I beckoned for help to be taken to the hospital which was a few minutes away but the driver declined, I pleaded for any of them at the cargo company to at least drop me off at the estate gate but they refused too.- Oh My goodness, my hope was dashed. I couldn't blame them either, due to the COVID-Scare and the similar symptoms I presented, but ultimately they weren't part of God's plan as I had hoped.
I couldn’t go back home, I’ve come too far, the hospital was like a 1000miles away in my mind, even though in reality it was a few minutes away. God in his mercies provided all the energy I needed to walk to the hospital on foot because He said His Grace is sufficient for me, so even though it took a long time, regardless of the pains and numerous stops to gasp for breath.
Now, remember I was already feeling like I just completed a cross-country marathon before leaving home right? now picture this too that I had to do another 1000 miles walk up Mount Everest. It is the best uphill mental image I can paint for what I felt. In all, God’s grace was sufficient and the God-sent-Human-shield was all the support I needed to walk to the hospital.
While in transit My mum being so spiritually connected to me had been calling as though she knew my world was falling apart. She connected my elder sister on the phone and they both stayed on the phone with me throughout my walk to the hospital. It was the best they could do living in different cities apart from each other. All the Promises of God I couldn’t remember at that point, they reminded me, cheered me on to the finish line — hospital at last.
It is the best gift anyone could have, - a family that prays.
God’s Presence in the ER- The Praying Doctor
On arrival at PineCrest hospital, the nurses checked my vitals and informed the doctor available (the CMD of the hospital) of an emergency. I was rushed to their ER and Soon the medical team started administering care.
When all the injections, drugs, and drip-line where administered, I didn’t feel any better because I pictured I was going to be stable in a few minutes — but no, it took hours. This was not the movie scenes I had imagined will play out in my favor. I was still breathless, in pains from the substance rushing through my veins from the drip line and my internal organs were the least supportive, as abdominal discomfort was at it’s worse.
Soon, I was placed on oxygen and my anxiety heightened. Now I even need support to breathe? I thought. Oh God, it can’t be this bad. The effect of the panic attack wouldn’t let me sleep-off despite all the medications that were supposed to help me while treatment was ongoing.
At that instance, the Devil magnified memories of how I watched my late Dad and Foster brother receiving Oxygen while the passed-on a few years ago. So I begged God for a different end to my story, and in His mercies, He, Intervened.
The medical team and doctor kept monitoring my vitals. After a while, my vision became blurry but I could hear far-whispers of Prayer from the doctor. He was praying for me. Then I took it up with God again in the battlefield of my mind, and said to God, if you wouldn’t answer mine or that of my family, please answer that of the Doctor who didn’t even know me.
I was so encouraged when I heard the prayers he offered on my behalf. I didn't know what prompted him to do so, if it was how bad my condition was or just because he is a pastor I later discovered but It was the first I had ever seen, and at that point I felt relieved, knowing that, however my situation panned out, God was in the ER because the owner of the ER invited Him (God) in.
Healthcare professionals, Doctors, in particular, should follow after the footsteps of Dr. Omadeli Boyo who believe prayer is one of the most potent spiritual interventions that can be utilized with their patients, not only because it provided comfort for me at that critical point, but because He understood it is ultimately God who heals (Exodus 15:26) and inviting the presence of God into his ER turned my situations around because psychologically my mind was at ease from all the uncertainties and all the false reality the devil amplified.
Samuel Chadwick wrote, “Satan dreads nothing but prayer. His one concern is to keep the saints from praying. He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work, prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, he mocks our wisdom, but he trembles when we pray.”
Christian healthcare professionals should know they have a powerful healing resource they can use — prayer.
Use it! Intentionally, wisely and prayerfully.
To be Continued…
